The Honey Do List

by Taylor Baptist


Book Details

A List of Household Chores Becomes a Hilarious Challenge…with Dire Consequences!


Jack Gardner is used to enjoying his retirement…after a fashion. Caught up in tilting against the windmills of societal and political stupidities, resenting his exercise treadmill, and making the perfect breakfast, Jack manages to avoid full realization of the fact that he and his wife Emily are drifting apart. One fateful day, Emily dares him to complete the Honey Do List of neglected household chores by 7:30 that evening…and if he fails, he has to buy her a pair of $1800 earrings she’s had her eye on. With only $2000 in his account until the next pension check, Jack is in a race against time. He’s confident that he will win the bet, but he’s forgotten about Murphy’s Law, and as evening approaches, he’s frustrated, thwarted, embarrassed, injured, and convinced that everything he does will turn to one of the many words he uses for excrement. But the biggest surprise is yet to come, as he wraps up his day and heads to dinner with his wife and neighbors, who teach him a lesson he won’t forget. The Honey Do List is a fantastically entertaining read: fast-paced, full of humor, and populated with zany characters. Join Jack in his quest to beat the clock, and enjoy the ride!


Book Excerpt

He felt the ladder slipping away from him, and a moment later, a small thump from below told him that his cell phone had quickly grasped the fact that this situation could only lead to a crappy outcome, and had promptly abandoned ship. Talk about 'smart phones'. 'Hell, what to do now?' He dropped the saw and wrapped both hands over the top of the very branch he had been trying to cut through not thirty seconds earlier... Everywhere was hurting, some places more than others, and he wondered how much longer he could hold on. You might recall that although the overall assessment of Jack's health was good, there was one malady which responded to stress in a socially unacceptable manner. Right then he was close to panic and using every muscle he had, to cling to the tree. That included the muscles that control the bladder. He didn't even realize the dam had burst, until he saw what appeared to be tinted raindrops, dripping off the ladder and soaking the ground below. His predicament was now utterly beyond redemption. This was the fecal version of a sandstorm. Dear God, he thought, if you get me out of this cesspit, I promise I will never argue with you again.


About the Author

Taylor Baptist

Taylor Baptist fully enjoyed his thirty-year business career in Europe, Africa, and the Caribbean. This mix of cultural cross-currents created a rich vein of experience that enriches his writing, and he brings it all to bear on the challenges posed by do-it-yourself home maintenance. He is married and lives in Stone Mountain, Georgia.

Also by Taylor Baptist

A Year in Dreamland