What I’ve Learned - An Encyclopedia of Perpetual Bullshit covers topics that affect us every single day, as seen through the eyes of Chris Heist. Just like you, he’s a nobody that wants to be a somebody. So he set out to write this book; losing two jobs, an apartment, and a marriage along the way. In this book you’ll learn how to properly reject etiquette, how to legally stare into your neighbor’s windows, how to properly support suicide, how to make sense out of idiotic laws, how to insult people’s mothers, how to piss off religious people, how to write a screenplay, how to use taboo words without getting your ass kicked, how to play drinking games, how to handle holidays, how to use the bible to avoid paying child support, how to spot a scumbag boss, how to disgust hotel staff, how to behave online, how to deal with addiction, how to properly be patriotic, how to skip high school, how to say impolite things in German, how to choose heroes, and how to enjoy what you have with the time you have to enjoy it. In his small circle of friends, he is both a legend and an asshole. But now, Christopher T. Heist can invade the lives of complete strangers as he shares his twisted perspective of everything he’s been exposed to. And yes, nothing is sacred. As a self-proclaimed actor, activist, poet, porn star, comedian, screenwriter, atheist, author, body-builder, recovered addict, part-time alcoholic, part-time racist, leader, winner, loser, counselor, ex-soldier, runner, bicyclist, laborer, prisoner, freethinker, singer, rapper, boxer, criminal, pimp, victim, street fighter, dirty fighter, dealer, director, graduate, guardian, sucker puncher, lover, photographer, model, artist, father, inventor, slave to the system, and all around survivalist; you may find yourself nodding in agreement to some of the crazy shit he hammers out in this book.
Christopher T. Heist hails from Philadelphia, and is currently an unconcerned worker of a dead-end job. He holds a Diploma from High School via Summer School, and he presently resides in Europe. He’s a college dropout, and he likes to spend his free time disguised as an average nobody with very little patience. 
