I Survived by Navigating My Non-nurturing Narcissistic Parents

Watching Myself Be Borderline tells the story of little Jansen Vee growing up in a family created by two parents who were narcissists. This author, Jansen, has an amazing ability to explain the family dynamics that created a troubled child and, later, a mentally ill adult. Always insightful and sometimes heartbreaking, the stories of Jansen's childhood illuminate her adult life as a sufferer of borderline personality disorder, as she explains how each of the characteristics of the disorder listed in the DSM are or are not reflected in her life: 1. abandonment fears; 2. unstable, intense relationships; 3. unstable sense of self; 4. impulsivity; 5. suicidality, self-mutilation; 6. emotional instability; 7. emptiness; 8. anger; 9. transient paranoia. Her struggles have been so challenging that her survival has not been assured. And yet, she also tells us about her peculiar strengths—those strengths which have allowed her to reach the age of sixty years old and still be alive, unlike many sufferers of borderline personality disorder.

Jansen Vee has struggled with mental illness all of her life, though the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder was not forthcoming until her forties. Persisting with psychotherapy over decades, she has found Western medicine to be effective but also has explored acupuncture, mindfulness meditation and yoga. She lives in the Pacific Northwest.