And so, just like that, we were on the road again. I was kicking myself for getting so emotional. What a sap, I told myself. While I was growing and filling out physically, I realized that emotionally, in too many ways I was still a young boy, timid and unsure. And I was unsure right now. I had just left the best thing that had ever happened to me. Kind people who genuinely cared about me and wanted to help support me and nurture me were now in my rear view mirror. And in the windshield was more uncertainty, more challenges, and many more unknowns. I had no high school diploma, no driver’s license, and no last name. What a sap, I told myself again. And what an idiot.
I beat myself up for a good hour. When you are being abused from the outside it is very easy to abuse yourself from the inside. There is always that nagging feeling that somehow this was all my fault. The insecurity and despair and doubt had always been with me, and it flared to the surface like hot lava in unsettled moments. I was in a fierce battle with my demons, and at the moment, they were on the verge of overwhelming me.
