Outskirts Press, INC.

A taste of what’s inside

The book is a collection of 101 humorous newspaper columns covering a wide range of subjects. They were first published in the Idyllwild Town Crier, a weekly paper serving the small mountain community of Idyllwild in Southern California. The columns were published between May, 2003, and November 2005 and are still remembered by most readers who subscribed to the paper during that time. The author is always pleasantly surprised when, even today, people tell him how much they miss his columns. This book is for them, and anyone else who enjoys a good laugh.

I’M WAITING FOR MY WIFE: I couldn’t help but notice another common sight: men standing alone outside stores, usually looking at their feet. To the casual observer, these men appeared to be loitering, and I think they knew it, because several of them muttered, “I’m waiting for my wife.”
OPEN OTHER SIDE: The more thoughtful manufacturers often include directions consisting of everything from a dotted line to the actual words, “Open here.” In my experience, however, these brief instructions amount to nothing more than a cruel joke. I usually wind up reaching for a butcher knife, and being careful not to slice off a thumb, begin sawing and prying, and swearing.
GOOD TO THE LAST SQUEEZE: By any reasonable standard, it belongs in the trash, not on one of my medicine cabinet shelves. Still, every morning and every night, one more careful squeeze produces one more blob of paste – enough for one more thorough brushing. It’s quite unbelievable; it really is.
THEN CAME THE SUCKING SOUNDS: But, I ask you, have you ever sat at a table surrounded by people eating spaghetti off paper plates with plastic forks? It’s a mess, and you begin to wonder that if these people eat spaghetti like this in public, how do they do it in the privacy of their own homes?
WHY ARE WE GETTING RID OF THIS: Most yard sales are organized by women, while men, usually husbands, play a limited, although important role by carrying the valuables from the attic or garage to the place of sale. The men can often be overheard, their whiny voices asking such things as: “Why are we getting rid of this?”