My New Brain
Memoir of a Brain Injury
An Unexpected Change
By Lori Williams
“When a five ton German brick truck hits a 1974 Volkswagen Beatle straight into the driver’s side, the laws of physics take over”. It took a nanosecond for my world to change forever. On October 25, 1985, I sustained a severe traumatic brain injury in an automobile accident. Reading this memoir, you journey with me through the cognitive, physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery of this unexpected—and permanent—change. Here’s a mini sample of what’s included:
1. Getting Into a Pickle in a Pickle Suit
“Way back in the last century I was born with one brain; then one day I traded it in for a different one… My consequences in this collision were enormous… Damage severe enough to, in essence, be regarded as a new brain… Not only my brain, but absolutely everything about me changed that day; however, it would take me a long time to not only realize that but to remember it, too”.
2. Cognitive Changes—A Little Dippy with That New Brain
“The fact that I have cognition has not changed; what has changed, though, is the efficiency and my aptitude of my cognition… Becoming aware, then proceeding forth with renewed vigor, of my new inabilities has been a bit awkward… There was never a quick exchange of unawareness for awareness, like getting a bionic brain or something—take old one out, put new one in, flip the switch, and she is ready-to-go. Time, and lots of it, is what it has taken to get me to where I am today”.
3. Physical Changes—Strange Gait
“Although my emotions and cognition are the aspects that have been predominantly affected by the brain injury, the physical changes are what the Army used to consider me not fit for duty. I think my physical changes are what is most noticeable to others. Obvious to me as well, as it is what reminds me—daily—of my new brain and its inferior rank to my first one”.
4. Emotional Changes—How Does it Feeeeeeel to Get a New Brain?
“Emotional distress is not as easy to distinguish as proverbial black and white—it manifests more like shades of gray. Some emotional effects are clearly due to brain damage; others are a mix of physical and emotional trauma from life experiences”. We’ll look at shame, social cues and responses, depression, feeling different, and social isolation versus solitude.
5. Mourning a Brain Change—What Do You Mean, This is Work?
Here we look at the loss of a brain through the lenses of The Four Tasks of Mourning, a concept originated by J. William Worden.
6. Spiritual Recovery—it’ll Never Be Perfect, but it does Get Better
“The fourth, and I think most important, aspect of recovery is spiritual. Spiritual recovery has not been a simple, straight-forward, progression for me. There have been many layers and nuances that have changed me more significantly than could have ever been possible if my life hadn’t made the turn it did”. Topics discussed are spiritual reconciliation, asking why, perfection, the Pot O’ Gold, gaining strength through powerlessness, and acceptance.
