Six months before I heard the words I didn’t understand, I started noticing things change in my body I couldn’t explain or put together. As a woman, you just know when things aren’t right but can’t explain how, and if you tried to tell a doctor, they’d just give you a med or single diagnosis (infection) and not put it all together. I was getting unexplained and random fist sized bruises on my legs, torso, and arms. I had one infection after another: bladder, yeast, colds. My stomach was always upset. I felt severely hungover every day, without having had a single drop of alcohol the night before. I had lost my mental sharpness and was confused all the time. My gums were bleeding for no reason and the dentist though it was gum disease. I started having periods after nearly 5 years of not having them. I was getting headaches. I noticed I didn’t have any energy and couldn’t even walk up a flight of stairs. I’d get half-way up and have to pause to catch my breath, and then again when I reached the top. Two months before I was diagnosed, I visited a dear friend in Texas and felt lightheaded or dizzy all the time. We explained it off as altitude or travel sickness. I had plenty of energy and even assembled a bed and managed to fix a tech issue with her TV’s. Nothing’s wrong here, right?
In December, one month from my new life, I decided enough was enough and lived a “clean life”. No alcohol, a healthy diet, sleep/rest. And yet things just got worse. I dreaded the worst. A heart issue. Lung disease. Tumor somewhere. So the first day back to work I told my supervisor of my concerns (I almost fainted twice during the staff development), that I wanted to go to the doctor, and they sent me on my way with a great deal of worry.
Building Up to Tear Down January 9, 2014
The first thing they did when I got here 3 days ago was hook me up to blood transfusions to build up my system to a point where they aren’t afraid I’ll die. When I came in 3 days ago, my blood levels were so low I was literally bleeding out and turning grey. They weren’t sure I would make it through the night. Thank God I did, but I still had no idea what I was up against. I still don’t know what Leukemia is. Is that cancer? A disease? Dr. Hyde has been terrific in trying to fill us in on the details,
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but honestly all I know is I’m still too sick to survive chemo, which is what is next. I guess that means I have cancer. But what does that mean? My brain hurts from thinking about it. The nurses tell me my numbers, but I have no idea what they mean. I wake up and wait to see what the plan is and have no choice but to go with the plan. As soon as my levels are high enough, they’ll start destroying them with chemo and so it begins. The only word I have is surreal.
