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As the title of this book indicates, I am telling my history which includes my search for a spiritual path. ****
******When you read the beginning autobiographical stories and the following reconstruction in a series of chronological threads, please keep in mind that I have had the strong urge since childhood, to seek out some explanation of what this creation is and how it came about.******
******My life journey consisted of two roads, one as a physicist and the other as a spiritual seeker. As I grew older, I realized that these roads were intertwined.
********The field of physics is not based on anything other than exploring the laws that govern our physical home and place in the cosmos. The search for knowledge of our spiritual side lies outside the realm of physics.
**********As I discovered, there is a way to explore that, which lies outside the reach of physics. I read many books about various religions and spiritual subjects.
***********One book, the Bhagavad Gita, a 700-verse Hindu scripture, proved very instructive. I realized that while it was telling an epic story, it was also a how-to manual of spiritual advancement.
In short, it all boiled down to the essential practice of meditation.
************* I was a young adult at that time and realized that with my family and work responsibilities, I was not at the stage of life where I could devote about 20 years to concentrated meditation.
************However, my exploration continued. I tried many practices, and found them all lacking something that resonated with me. I continued writing my thoughts in a journal and recently uncovered a “story” that shows what was in my mind at that time. This story, written in 1958, preceded a major experience I had in 1961. I was surprised at how I anticipated the defining event two years before it occurred. Below is the story:
***********Letter In An Empty Cell — A Story
By
Bob Ralston — 1958
I am an artist with no hands, a singer with no voice, a sculpture in a land of no form, a musician with no sound, a poet with no words. If God meant there to be a hell, then I have found it. The chains, which can bind a soul, are not things of steel.
************The soul is consciousness, awareness. Love is the desire to share consciousness and awareness. Where does the language to do these things exist? In the hands of the artist, the sounds of the musician, the words of the poet, in all of the small strokes that are the lives of all the small creatures.
*************All of these individual splashes of color, form, sound and thought. When taken as a Whole, these are God, Creation.
*************How do you bind a soul? – How do you bind a painter? – Take away his hands. How do you bind a singer? – Cut out his tongue. How do you bind a creator? – Remove – deny him his means of creation.
************** How do you bind a soul? Make it aware, but only on condition of silence. Yes, give it words, hands, eyes, but only words that say nothing, hands that are clumsy, eyes that look but do not see.
To be communicated to but to be unable to answer. To be unable to reform, reshape, share. To be unable to be. This is hell.
*************No, the real hell is to be in a prison with the key to freedom in a pocket, but where is the door? To know there is a door. To be unable to enlist aid in seeking it. To travel the road alone. To be alone with only a contact here and there. Brief lights in a total darkness.
Only the hope of light at the end of the road -- of total submersion in the broad strokes of the creators brush. Only this sustains the poor creature of hell.
***************The courage to be --- and let be. To watch and be aware without directing. To watch the tree bend in the wind and refrain from propping it up. To be and let be. That is not the question that is the problem.
************There is the door. Courage. Courage to use the key. Courage to let be. Courage to die knowing there is no death. To live, knowing there is no life. Only eternal awareness. All else is void. God meant man to join him only as an equal. That is the only glory God can achieve. That is the only creation worthy of a creator. Should He be satisfied with less? ----
*************Courage to know this---- To accept the role of creation turning Creator. This is the test of perfection. To be willing to do what God has done. To be God.
TO BE. In the beginning was the Word -- The word was BE.
**************Each unit is potentially another universe. It grows without measure, yet can be measured. It is all ONE. The creator and his creation are one and the same. There is no split. How do you recognize the Creator? By His creations!
-************I am an artist with, no hands, a singer with no voice, a sculptor in a land of no form, a musician with no sound. If God meant there to be a hell, then I have found it. The chains, which bind a soul ----------
**********
***********I began this autobiography as something to pass on to my children, grandchildren, and hopefully for at least a few generations more. I decided that a bound book might last longer than another form of holding pages together. Hence the present volume.
*************As you read my personal story, you will see many indications of my original intent as I refer to my immediate descendants.
*************If you are eager to get on to my spiritual life, the part that concludes the main section, feel free to skip to it.
