Outskirts Press, INC.

Baby Boomer Humor

This book takes you back to a time before, and at the dawn of Political Correctness, when people had a thicker skin, and were free to laugh at other's as well as themselves; without fear of reprisal, loss of job or physical violence. Things were taken lightly and 'come backs' became an art form. People were emotionally flexible, and the worst reaction would be silence, or a comment about poor taste. "Stereotype" was an understood term and held in context, for most of us members of the 'Next to the Last Great Generation' have witnessed many great eras. To see them come and go is part of the inevitability of life. The older we get, the more lamenting we will do. PC, on the other hand, has come, but instead of going, grew to dominate our culture and society. What we used to make fun of as a passing fad became an insidious act of societal re-engineering. So, enjoy this brief glimpse of some of the humor we used to take for granted from the 90's, and be careful who you share it with; the humor Gestapo may show up at your door and take you away to a "re-education" camp, never to be seen again!

The following has apparently been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. WHOEVER said it, I hope she/he runs for President. “We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other liberal bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a…Bill of No Rights.” Article I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing any-thing. Article II: You do not have the right to be never offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone – not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be. Article III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy. Article IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes!! Article V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care. Article VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair! Article VII: You do have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods and services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure. Article VIII: You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won’t lift a finger to stop YOU from going to fight, if you’d like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat. Article IX: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want everyone to have one, and will gladly help you along during hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training offered to make yourself useful. Article X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness – which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.” If you agree, we strongly urge you to forward this to as many people as you can. No, you don’t have to; and nothing tragic will befall you should you not forward it. We just think it’s about time for common sense to flourish.