Outskirts Press, INC.

Caution: Keep this book away from any cartoon mice living in your house!

Married the day after Christmas in 1986, the company I was working for went out of business while I was away on my Honeymoon. This left me unemployed for a few months. During this time, I was left alone ALL day with my new wife’s cat of old—PATRICK. My new “Red- Headed Step-Cat” Patrick, was the jealous type, he never even liked it when I was there to visit, let alone being there day in and day out. The cat’s continuous antics almost led our marriage down the path of destruction. I would have to wear knee high boots around the house to protect my feet from this menace. Thoughts of how to cure this feline of his constantly wanting to amputate my toes and shred my shins were racing through my mind. My employed wife would go off to work every morning and return home only to ask how my day went with Patrick. Hurting Patrick would have been grounds for divorce—so I started writing down one thing every day that I “Wanted” to do to the cat and gave it to my wife when she got home from work. She and I would then laugh about them over dinner! By writing these torments down, I never hurt my cat. By you reading them, maybe you won’t hurt yours either. If you like Tom and Jerry, you will LOVE this Tongue-in-Cheek-Farce!! No cats were harmed during the writing of this book.... ....In Fact, Millions of Cats have been saved by the reading of this book! Funny in any Language!! Caution: Keep this book away from any cartoon mice living in your house.

1.) Soak cat thoroughly in kitchen sink and place in freezer for approximately one hour and fifteen minutes. This allows all the fur to be frozen, however does NOT harm the cat. This enables cat to be defrosted before the cat lover gets home. (Illustration here is Hilarious!) 1) Humedecer bien gato en el fregadero de la cocina y colocar en el congelador durante una hora y quince minutos. Esto permite congelar toda la piel, aún no dañar el gato. Esto permite que el gato se descongele antes de que el gato amante llega a casa.