It happened like this.
There is a verse in the Bible that says, “All things whatsoever you shall ask in prayer believing, you shall receive.” So, I decided to have a heart-to-heart talk with God. You might think I was being bold—and you’d be right—but I figured if God wrote the scripture, I’d hold Him to His promise. After all, what did I have to lose?
“Okay, Lord. I’m ready. I’m ready to give it all to you. I know You are the One who provided for us all these years. You are the One who sent enough so I never missed a house payment. You are the One who made it possible to pay all my bills on time. You have never left us or forsaken us, just like You promised. I’m sorry I turned my back on You, kept You out of my life. But I’m ready now. I know without You, I can’t accomplish anything.”
This conversation with God took place following seventeen years of an unhappy marriage and six years as a divorced mother. My heart was broken and damaged. I tried. I really tried to make our marriage work and I felt like a failure. During those years after our divorce I was spiritually decayed. I felt injured by my ex-husband. How could he abandon his own children, leaving them hurt and confused? I was disillusioned with God. Why did He allow people to get away with bad behavior? But I was guilty of a bad attitude stemming from an aching heart. Yes, I was having a soul emergency.
It took a long time, almost seven years, but one day I realized that even though I had turned my back on God, He never left me. God had fulfilled too many miracles in my life to doubt it. A change was coming over me and my heart was alive again. The hurt subsided and I made a conscious decision to give it all to Him.
It’s amazing. I’m sure everyone who has carried on a heart-to-heart talk with God understands. Once you surrender your life to Him, unusual things happen. That’s exactly what happened to me.
There were many wrong choices I made and many things I had said or done I wish I could take back. I still do. But God was going to allow me to experience His forgiveness and grace.
“So Lord, let’s get down to the basics . . .” Okay, I wasn’t just informal with my heavenly father, I was downright bold. I had resolve and a purpose. You see, my friend Janie Smals called me all excited about how God sent her Mr. Wonderful. She made a list of the attributes she desired and then trusted God to find him. I supposed if it worked for Janie, why not me?
My plea continued, “You know everything, Lord. And now that my heart is healing, I am ready to love again. And I know somewhere out there is a man for me. My mom always said ‘there’s a lid for every pot,’ and I know that You know who he is and that You will bring him into my life. But just in case You need some help, I’m going to tell You exactly what I’m looking for.”
Talk about being presumptuous. I not only spelled out my requirements in my prayer, but I wrote them down. Yes, I made a list for God and I started with some pretty serious requests. But I’m convinced that God has a sense of humor, too, after all He created humor, didn’t He?
And my list went like this:
1. I want him to be spiritual. I don’t mean “religious”. I just want him to have a heart towards You.
2. He must be kind and thoughtful of others.
3. He must be highly respected and well liked by others.
4. He should have self-esteem and yet be humble. I know how hard that is. To like yourself but not think too highly of yourself. What a rare quality to find in a person.
5. And, Lord, he must have a good sense of humor. I want to be able to laugh with him. And he should be able to laugh at himself, too.
6. He must have a good disposition and not a bad temper.
7. He must have integrity and be honest and truthful.
8. He must be a faithful husband.
9. He must have strong family values. Please let him like my children. I know it’s too much to ask that he love them. It’s pretty hard to love teenagers. But if he were just nice to them, I would really appreciate that.
10. He must be fair. You know, if we ever have a difference of opinion—Lord, I hope we never fight—but if we do have a difference of opinion—please let us both be fair.
11. And now, Lord, can I get a little frivolous? I sure would like him to be tall. This one is negotiable, of course. Let’s just say the man you choose is short—the important thing is that it does not matter to him.
12. It would be nice if he had a flat tummy. Oh, I know that sounds silly, too. But, wouldn’t that mean that he cares about his health?
13. And athletic. You know, I haven’t played golf in twenty-five years, since high school. So, I’d like him to be a golfer. It doesn’t matter what his handicap is. I’ll let You decide. (I just added that to get a smile from You, Lord.)
14. Then again, I haven’t played tennis in about ten years. Would it be too much to ask that he is a tennis player, too?
15. And I love to ski. As long as I’m asking, I might as well throw that in.
16. Oh, well, now that I’ve gone this far, I might as well go for it all . . . windsurfing . . .
17. and scuba diving. . .
Then as an afterthought, I decided to add the following:
18. Oh, You know, Lord, I’ve heard that sailors are easygoing people. I think maybe I’d like to do a little sailing.
Perhaps I put a little extra sincerity into this last request or perhaps my pushing the envelope caused God to decide to teach me a lesson. I’ve often heard you should be careful what you ask for—you may just get it. There’s definitely some truth to that statement, because my request to sail would become more prophetic than I expected. In the years ahead, I would often find myself mumbling to God, “Don’t You think you overdid the sailing just a bit?”
Anyway, that was the end of my primary list. I just had one final, but very important, request remaining.
Now, Lord, the last thing. I don’t want to get caught up looking at every eligible man and asking myself if he is the one. Will You please lay it on his heart first that I am the right one for him and then let me know?
As I placed the list in a drawer next to my Bible, I prayed. “There he is. I know it’s asking for a lot, Lord. But I also know that if he is out there, You will bring him to me.” Janie’s plan worked . . . not just for her, but for me as well. Six months later I met the man of my dreams. Bill would be everything I asked for and more.
Actually, the seeds to this meeting were planted about a year before I had my conversation with God. I met Bill’s mother first.
My children were begging for a pet. I finally gave in and we went to the animal shelter to adopt a cat. That is where I met my future mother-in-law. Marcy is a very caring lady who volunteers her time every day at the shelter. Her joy is to make sure the dogs and cats have enough water and are comfortable while efforts are made to find homes for those fit for adoption.
I took to Marcy immediately. There was something special about her. Not only does Marcy want to help animals but she likes to help people too. Or maybe she wanted to make sure the cat was getting a good home when she asked me the next question.
“Tell me, dear, are you married? No? Well then, what do you do for a living?”
“I sell insurance.”
“Oh, wonderful. I need insurance.” Can you imagine someone saying—in essence—“I am so happy that I have met an insurance agent.” Is that a miracle or what?
The history that brought me to earn my own living was difficult. I didn’t share my story with Marcy until long after we got to know each other better. All I told her during this initial encounter was that I sold insurance. But it was a long road I traveled to get there.
In 1982, a year after we were divorced, my ex-husband decided he didn’t want to pay alimony or child support. Quietly selling his dental practice, he left the country. This is how I found out.
Early on one Monday morning, I received a phone call from the receptionist in his office. “Alicia, the doctor didn’t come to work today.”
I wondered where this conversation was going. “And?”
“Well, I just found out that he sold his practice to Dr. Smith on Saturday and left on Sunday.”
“Left? Left for where?”
“Nobody knows. He’s just gone.”
How could he leave? He had just remarried and bought a house. Why would he leave?
I really didn’t have to ask myself that question. I already knew the answer.
He warned me that we wouldn’t “get any of his money” and he was true to his word.
When I realized the children and I were on our own, I decided to look for a job as a secretary—the same work I did while he was in dental school. We were married when he was an undergraduate and I never did complete my education. I was told, “Okay, the job is yours. It pays six dollars an hour.” With the knowledge that I could never make our house payment on such a small income, I looked in the classifieds to see what the future held for me.
There it was. “Earn $35,000 a year. Insurance Adjuster. Will Train.” Okay, I can do that, I thought.
At the interview I was told, “You don’t want to be an insurance adjuster. You can earn more by selling insurance. Why don’t you let us train you? Get your license and you’ll be out in the field in six weeks. You can make as much as you want and work as hard as you like.”
It sounded good to me especially when I thought of my three growing sons at home. We shook hands and I started the next day. And train me they did. Two months later, after going through our savings, I had a license in hand and hit the pavement. It was the beginning of summer in south Florida. A hot one, especially when you have to wear a jacket and skirt and hose, walk through trailer parks and condominiums, knock on doors and “don’t forget to smile.”
There wasn’t time enough to worry about tomorrow. I just concentrated on each day and its problems. Every morning, I would give myself a pep talk. “You love what you are doing.” “Today is going to be the best day of your life.” And best of all, the message from Paul to the Philippians telling them that we are never alone in this world, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
I soon discovered being a woman is an asset in a vocation such as sales. People actually opened their doors and were nice to me. Invited me in and listened to my sales pitch. They trusted me. I liked this.
The first day I made $1,200.00. Exactly enough to cover the house payment. That was enough to keep me pumped up and running on empty for the next two weeks. And there were a lot of empty days.
But at the end of every month, our bills were always paid and all our needs were met. We never had more month than money. Beyond doubt God was watching over us.
Marcy’s words echoed in my ears. “Oh, wonderful. I need insurance.” That’s the way every salesman dreams of conducting business. After our animal adoption encounter, Marcy and I kept in touch and she invited me to her home for lunch and to talk about putting together a health plan for her.
Little did I know that what I learned in sales class would be the key to meeting the man of my dreams. We were taught to take special notice of any family photos and start a conversation about what interests people most—their family. On the table next to my chair was a photograph that caught my eye. I was earnestly interested in the gorgeous man in the picture. So I started a conversation about that one.
“Marcy, who is that man in the photo?” I asked casually, while thinking, “I hope that he’s her son.”
“Oh,” she said, “That’s my son.”
Perfect, I thought. Then continued, “Is he married?”
I felt encouraged to go on when she said he wasn’t married, but I was concerned that he looked too young for me. “He looks so young. How old is he?”
“He’s your age.”
I feared that may not be to my advantage since it seemed most men in their forties want girls in their twenties. I couldn’t let it pass. I had to find out. “He’s so youthful looking, he probably likes the ladies a lot younger than he is.”
I know I was tipping my hand, but I was genuinely interested and wanted answers more than I was concerned about Marcy’s reaction to me personally at this point.
“No, actually he likes women his own age.” I began to suspect that Marcy was warming up to playing matchmaker.
As I noticed that he was pictured with a lovely blonde, I said, “Well, I bet he prefers blondes.” Since I am a brunette, naturally I had to ask.
“No, he doesn’t care what color a woman’s hair is.”
This man sounds too good to be true. The only thing left for me to find out was how geographically accessible he was.
“Where does he live, Marcy?”
“In Akron, Ohio.”
I knew it. There had to be something wrong with him. Akron is a thousand miles from West Palm Beach. However, I wanted Marcy to know I was interested in keeping the door open.
So I said, “If he ever comes to visit you, would you introduce us?”
Taking a closer look at me, Marcy responded with “Certainly, dear, I’d be glad to.”
Almost a year later my phone rang. “Alicia, this is Marcy. My son is in town. Will you have dinner with us Sunday night? You’ll like him. He’s tall, handsome and nice.”
I had almost forgotten our conversation a year before. I had forgotten what that stranger in the photo looked like. It was the Christmas holidays and I was looking forward to enjoying some leisure time with my children. And Marcy’s sales pitch to meet her son sounded too good to be true. But something made me say, “Sure, I’d love to.”
“Wonderful, dear. Come to my house about seven and then we’ll go to the club for dinner. See you then.”
