"Sweetheart, you need to know there are all kinds of people in the world, and some can't be trusted. At home, we always said 'Promiser Big, Keeper Little' when someone would make big claims and then not be there to do what they said."
"Mama, how can I know the difference?"
"That is a hard question, and the best I can say is listen with your heart."
This is a story of a tenacious mother and a resilient little girl who both listen with their hearts. Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Maria helps her daughter prepare to navigate the harsh landscape of loss and sorrow to finally come to a place of peace. As Darlene triumphs over the people and events that test her very foundation, Maria would have been proud.
“I’d like to know just what is really going on around here,” she mused to herself. “Everyone in the house is always whispering or they quit talking when I’m around. When I asked Theo why he was crying, he made up some stupid story about getting dirt in his eyes. They started this when Mama was gone for a while, and now that she is home, they’re still acting the same. I’m going to ask her straight out what’s going on since no one else will tell me. She’ll tell me.” Maria pushed herself up on one elbow to look Darlene in the eye. “What is inside your head? I can see when you have ideas.” The question came out in Maria’s broken English heavily laced with a German accent. The softness and concern in Maria’s voice was Darlene’s cue to demand her answers, and at first she found it hard to put her ideas in words. All of a sudden the gates opened and floods of words tumbled out, one after the other. “Why is everything upside down? Why won’t anyone talk to me? Why did you have to go away? Why . . . ” Mother reached over and pulled Darlene tight to her chest. She smoothed back the auburn curls and softly caressed the lightly freckled cheeks, all the while saying, “Little Lena, Little Lena, please don’t hurt.” Darlene noticed the tears in Maria’s voice and instantly wished she hadn’t started this. She burrowed her head more deeply into Maria’s cotton gown and tried to stop the quivery feeling right above her belly button. More than anything, she was sorry for making Mama sad. “I will talk because you need to know. This is a hard time and hard words, but you will need these words later on.” Maria paused, and when she began again, she sat Darlene up so they could look straight into each other’s eyes. Both sets of hazel green eyes held tears ready to spill over, so Maria gently folded her frightened daughter to her once more and rocked back and forth, just as she had so often when nightmares or realities were too big for one little girl to face alone. As they both relaxed into each other, Darlene sat up once again to look at her mother’s face. Maria took a deep breath, spoke, and totally shattered Darlene’s world. “I went away because I needed to talk to the doctor. I came back because my body is sick and he can’t help me.” Words came faster as Maria shared as much as her young daughter could comprehend. “I wanted to be here with my family, so I came home to stay.” Darlene listened but wasn’t ready to know what she already knew. “We’ll just have to take you to a doctor who can help you. Theo can find one.” Reaching up to her mother’s face, she smoothed Maria’s hair as her mother had just done for her moments earlier. Maria caught her by the wrist and held her at arm’s length. Looking straight into Darlene’s eyes, she shook her head and softly spoke, “Not this time, little one. Theo can do much, but not this. No one can help me get better, so we all have to help each other.” “You can’t leave me. You’re my mother. I have to have a mother. Everyone knows a girl has to have a mother.” Darlene kept repeating the phrases as if that would make them true. “Promise me you will stay here and be my mother.” Maria’s answer was kind but true. “I will stay as long as I can stay. Even when I have to go, I will still be your mother. I’ll be gone, but you will find me in your heart.” “No, Mother, you have to promise not to leave me all alone. You’re all I have.” “When a person makes a promise, it has to be kept, so I can’t say what you want to hear. Even though I’ll be gone, you’re not alone. Your brothers and sisters love you, and Theodor will always look after you. He promised me so we know it’s true. Let me hold you now, and later we will talk more.”
About Sandra Mann
Hardships and happiness. Dreams and difficulties. Good brother and bad brother. Pioneering stories of the olden days as lived by Mann's grandparents form the basis of Promisers Big.
Sandra Mann has always been a country girl. Raised on a sandhills ranch in Arthur, Nebraska, she retired from a teaching career that spanned 33 years in Nebraska colleges and high schools. She and her husband Gaylord currently live near Burwell, Nebraska, where they ranch and raise Quarter Horses. smann@nctc.net
"Sweetheart, you need to know there are all kinds of people in the world, and some can't be trusted. At home, we always said 'Promiser Big, Keeper Little' when someone would make big claims and then not be there to do what they said."
Hardships and happiness. Dreams and difficulties. Good brother and bad brother. Pioneering stories of the olden days as lived by Mann's grandparents form the basis of Promisers Big.