It was a warm summer night. The night before the day we would meet my ex to return my son at the train station. As if that was not bad enough, my fiance was still in my life. My mother and I were fighting over my behavior. I felt it was unfair for her to be mothering me now that I was grown, because when I was younger, she could care less. My mother would call my fiance to come talk some sense into me because I was indeed a lunatic. I left for the beach on foot while shouting at God that He was the reason for my self-imposed hell. Now I was His enemy. He had killed my daughter, taken my childhood, and I blamed Him for my behavior. "What more could you possibly do to me? Kill me?" I asked. Well, I wanted that. I was welcoming death any second. I would not have cared. My fiance found me on the beach screaming at God to kill me. In my sick thinking, I had tried killing myself with no success, I sucked at motherhood, and I hated my life!