Tatienne Publishing

Eventually, I went back to work part-time, and initially, it so drained me physically that, when I went home in the evenings, I often did only what had to be done and then rested in meditation. Still, this did not weaken my determination to heal, for I would push myself into more and more physical activity, and very slowly I gained strength until, finally, I was able to work full-time.

At home, while I was caught up in things needing doing and people to see for healing and counseling, as well as at work, I was able to meditate in what I called a “waking” meditation. At those times, I felt as if I were two people, one performing activities, and the other fully aware of God in peace beyond thought, or in quiet communication with Jesus. I still do this today.

When I could, I visited Song of the Morning for personal quiet retreats on weekends, once I realized you didn’t have to sign up for a class.

Jesus had good reasons to encourage my visits to Song of the Morning, for I needed a place where I would be free to grow spiritually without restraint and learn from, compare and see the significance of other masters and spiritual paths.

I was breaking away from identifying myself exclusively with my religious upbringing, which had proven beneficial as a foundation for my spiritual development but now seemed to stand in the way of it and my healing work. It was as if I had taken one step and now was taking additional steps, each rung higher and higher, as in Jacob’s ladder leading to heaven.

When I started going to Song of the Morning Retreat in 1998, I didn’t always feel that I fit in. Something was not quite right, yet I felt compelled to be there. I missed the structure of the liturgical services to which I had become accustomed, and Sweet Jesus’ words were rarely read. Sunday services were based more on the spiritual director’s reminiscences of his own spiritual path than on Yogananda’s teachings.

It was never a specific person or what was spoken at the services that kept me coming back. I truly did not think I could fit the mold there, or anyone’s mold. I felt done with dogma. Sometimes I thought I needed to fit in, and other times I felt like I was floating on a sea of bliss, content within my Self.

After reliving those moments, Jesus, ever-present, instilled in my heart, “Patience, Dear One. The structure at Song of the Morning is hidden for now and, when it is found, it will be like welcoming home a lost child.

“When you think you haven’t found the perfect fit, it’s because you are looking outside of yourself and not within. Where you fit is not a place.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God within. You do not find God while concentrating on stagnant dogma.

“Ah, Brave Heart, even so, everyone can learn and grow from reasonable communal worship. Learning never ends and comes from every experience you have ever had.”

With Jesus’ words, I envisioned Song of the Morning on a future sunshiny day as a bustling center of light and love . . . a place to find oneself in the very core of one’s soul . . . a place to worship, as an individual or a community. A pleasant, warm feeling came over me.

“Sweet Jesus, many confide in me that they are confused by all the religions, teachers and techniques out there and don’t know where they fit and which way to go. Most of the time, in my healing work and mentoring, I simply listen to them and they seem to find their own answers. Other times, I address their concerns with words that flow out of my mouth.”

“You see, answers are within! Listen to your inner wisdom.”

“Why do we vacillate so much when we know the answers?”

“Simply human nature; a way of learning through relearning.”

“I’ve been thinking . . . that it seems . . . when we imitate the practices of others, some of us remain caught up in repetition, routine, techniques and rituals long after we are made aware that we should move on.

“It is very difficult to change one’s beliefs or practices, even if new ones are called for. And it’s hard to give up old friends, even though new ones may be just around the corner. It’s as if there is an attachment to the worthiness of the past. Since I left my church, I experience a sadness when I think on it, which lingers to this day, like grieving for a lost family.

“In the quest for God, the spiritual path, or journey, we choose has to be uniquely our own and guided, at least in part, from within. Yet, most people continue on as they have in the past, fearful of change and fearful of relying on intuition for natural, spiritual progressions that befit them as individuals.

“Like a baby bird sitting on the edge of its nest afraid to take that first flight, many are afraid of where they might land.”

Jesus lets me continue on as if He is pretending to be learning something new, while fully attentive, smiling. Or maybe He is putting the words in my heart.

“At another time, Jesus, you shared with me what Gandhi said, ‘In reality, there are as many religions as individuals.’ Gandhi knew we all have different paths, and he also knew that we all have a common goal: God-realization, enlightenment.

“Because each person has a unique relationship with God and a sacred right to make their own choices, there should be no comparisions here—no judging of another’s path—between individuals or between nations.

“Yet people, left to their own devices, don’t always know what will help them find God, and even when they do know, they may benefit from being with others who have similar spiritual needs. So on one’s spiritual path, one may find guidance and support by associating with a religious institution or guru. Some of them encourage spiritual growth at a pace that is beneficial for the individual who actively seeks God. A person only needs to search to find the best fit. What is right for one may not be right for another.

Often I go from speaking of Jesus to speaking of God or the Holy Spirit, as if all three were one, for I believe Jesus and the Holy Spirit each reflect divine attributes of the one, all-inclusive, living God. Each are omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent.

Some people relate to Jesus more easily than God, for Jesus was man. And the Holy Spirit lays claim on us, comforts us, and fills us with Truth and Christ Consciousness. God encompasses everything: from the infinitesimal particles of creation and the space between; to the little, creepy, crawly things, and all of us; right on up to all the stars in the sky, seen and unseen, and infinite love.

“The Retreat fills my need to be alone—introverted. I can be separate from its splintered structure. Even the spiritual director doesn’t seem to be aware of me. It’s as if I can be as invisible as I want to be.”

Jesus breaks in upon my discourse and says, “Keeping to your self is not introversion! Introversion is hiding your light under a bushel basket . . . it is not a spiritual state.

“You are experiencing spirituality on many levels, not just inward. You are not shrinking from the world. You are realizing and assimilating new truths on many levels.”

I have to stop for a moment. Jesus’ words fill me with such sweet bliss.

In sharing these experiences of my life, there comes to me an awareness of the beauty and worthwhileness of the whole journey.

And now, I settle myself to take up where I left off in expressing my thoughts—for I feel He wants that—and again words just come.

“Religion has played its part in controlling the way people relate to God and each other, sometimes through fanatic, rigidly-held beliefs.”

At this point, Jesus interrupts me again, “Fanaticism obstructs growth. Having the same God is what binds all religions together. There is only one God. Diversity does not serve God. Diversity is dualism.

“More and more, there are many who realize that the world’s religions are, through their opposition with each other, defeating the roles of their masters and of God to save and nourish mankind. These individuals are falling away from organized religions and are on their own.” >

Feeling Jesus has something more to say, I wait in anticipation. And when it comes, His ethereal form flows within an aura of silent, colorful flame, and His fragrance intensifies.

“The foundation of the religious self is the realization that your inner and outer self are one with God and creation. Grace is added unto you through your love.”

“In the Bible, I read that pure religion is to visit the afflicted and to keep oneself unstained from the world. There is hardly any other usage of the word “religion” in the Bible. It would seem that pure religion is love in action.”

“Open the door of your heart sanctuary; religion comes from the heart. Let your religion be Love. God is Love.”>

My heart overflowed as He spoke of love. All sense of being in a physical body was lifted as if it were a mere layer of veil.